ENFJ and ISFJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance
The extroverted ENFJ and the introverted ISFJ may seem an unlikely pairing, but these Myers-Brigg’s personality types have more than enough in common to establish mutually-rewarding, even lifelong relationships. Both feeling types, ENFJs and ISFJs, are generally empathetic, compassionate, and are likely to appreciate those qualities in one another.
I. COMPATIBILITY
Not only do ENFJs and ISFJs have a lot in common, but some of their differences have the potential to be complementary in nature too. ENFJs and ISFJs who make the most of their differences increase their chances at relationship success.
SUMMARY CHART: ENFJ AND ISFJ COMPATIBILITY VS. POSSIBLE CONFLICTS
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THREE REASONS WHY ENFJs AND ISFJs ARE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
Having so much in common, ENFJs and ISFJs can be good for each other in many ways, including:
- ENFJs and ISFJs are both people-oriented personality types
- These types are well-suited to cover one another’s blind spots when making plans
- Though different, the communicative styles of these types can be complementary
ENFJs and ISFJs are both feeling types who tend to prioritize people. Though they may differ in how they choose to be of service to others, both types value the feelings and well-being of others above nearly all else.
These types tend to concentrate on different things when making plans. The ENFJ, for example, tends to focus on the broad strokes, or over-arching theme of the plan; ISFJs, on the other hand, focus more on the details. An ENFJ/ISFJ couple can check one another’s tendencies to focus on one aspect of planning at the expense of others.
Though different in some significant ways, the communicative styles of ENFJs and ISFJs are often complementary in nature. Usually, communication is comfortable between these types, as the ENFJ does most of the talking and the ISFJ most of the listening.
THREE REASONS WHY ENFJs AND ISFJs ARE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
Though generally rated as compatible Myers-Briggs personality types, ENFJs and ISFJs aren’t always suitable for each other. Some of the reasons ENFJs and ISFJs may not be good for each other are:
- ENFJs and ISFJs have different tolerances for socialization
- These types have very different communication styles
- ENFJs and ISFJs approach conflict resolution differently
ENFJs and ISFJs have different tolerances for socializing. As extroverts, ENFJs crave social situations, and use them as a way of recharging. ISFJs, on the other hand, are introverted types who may be easily exhausted by too much socializing.
ENFJs and ISFJs communicate differently; from what they prefer to discuss to how they discuss it, these types have very little in common regarding communication.
These types also approach conflict resolution in different ways. For example, ENFJs prefer to address potential conflict as soon as possible, whereas ISFJs often put off difficult discussions.
COMMUNICATION
Healthy communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship; the more effectively a couple communicates, the more likely they are to enjoy long-term relationship success. ENFJs and ISFJs communicate differently and will have to learn to adjust and adapt to each other’s communicative styles if they’re to enjoy relatively conflict-free communication.
WHERE ARE THEY STRONG, AND WHY?
Like many extrovert/introvert pairings, partners in ENFJ/ISFJ relationships often relax into a communicative dynamic that plays to each partner’s strengths. The introverted ISFJ is usually happy to let their more-expressive partner do most of the talking, which usually serves the ENFJ/ISFJ couple quite well.
WHERE DO THEY HAVE PROBLEMS, AND WHY?
As mentioned above, ENFJs and ISFJs often fall into a comfortable communicative dynamic that suits them well most of the time; there will be instances, though, when the status quo proves insufficient. For example, there will be times when the usually reserved ISFJ will have more to contribute than normal; conversely, the expressive ENFJ will sometimes need more verbal input from their partner.
HOW MIGHT THEY IMPROVE COMMUNICATION?
Partners in an ENFJ/ISFJ relationship can improve the quality of their communication by better understanding their own, and their partner’s, communication style. For example, an ENFJ who doesn’t understand the ISFJ communicative style may mistake their partner’s silence for agreement, or worse, failure to engage. Conversely, without understanding and adjusting to their partner’s style, an ISFJ may feel relegated to the margins of conversation.
WHERE DO THEY CONNECT? WHY?
It usually doesn’t take much for ENFJs and ISFJs to connect. These types are both perceptive and emotionally intelligent; often, they intuitively recognize each other as kindred spirits, of sorts. These types are likely to connect in casual social settings, or when dealing with each other one-on-one.
ENFJ AND ISFJ: VALUES
Few things say as much about a person as what they value. A person’s values influence every aspect of their life, from the partners and careers they choose to the way they spend their time. Fortunately for ENFJ/ISFJ pairings, these types share many values in common.
THREE THINGS AN ENFJ VALUES:
- Other people and their feelings
- Innovation/Positive change
- Learning new things
Like their ISFJ counterparts, ENFJs place a high value on other people and their well-being. In many cases, these types will choose careers that allow them to be of service to others.
ENFJs also value innovation. Unlike ISFJs, who tend to be traditionalists, ENFJs believe everything can, and should be improved upon.
ENFJs value knowledge and are often lifelong students; they are likely to read avidly and may even take classes to expand their knowledge base.
THREE THINGS AN ISFJ VALUES:
- Order/Organization
- Tangible results
- Other people and their feelings
Another value ENFJs and ISFJs share is an appreciation for order. This trait manifests in the way these types schedule their time, and how they maintain their physical environments.
More so than their ENFJ partners, ISFJs value taking actions that yield tangible results. For example, when an ISFJ helps a friend, they usually do so in a practical way, such as helping them move or giving them a ride when their car breaks down.
HOW DO THEIR VALUES MATCH UP?
Generally speaking, the values of ENFJs and ISFJs match up very well. Both types are people-centered, and they share an appreciation for living ordered lives. There are some areas, however, where the values of ENFJs and ISFJs diverge; for example, ENFJs value innovation and change, whereas ISFJs tend to be more traditionally minded.
LOVE LANGUAGE/LOVE STYLE
There is significant overlap in how ENFJs and ISFJs show love for their partners. For example, both types use spending quality time with their partners and speaking words of affirmation to express their affection.
WAYS ENFJs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Spending quality time with their partner
- Speaking words of affirmation
- Use of physical touch
The number-one way ENFJs choose to show their love is by spending quality time with their significant others. The second most popular way this type shows affection is by speaking words of affirmation, an apt choice for an expressive personality type.
Rounding out the top three ways ENFJs express love for their partners is by the use of physical touch.
WAYS ISFJs SHOW THEIR LOVE
- Spending quality time with their significant others
- Speaking words of affirmation
- Performing acts of service for their partners
Like their ENFJ counterparts, ISFJs most often choose to show their love by spending quality time with their partners. The second most common way this type shows affection is by speaking words of affirmation.
Performing acts of service for their partners is the third most common way ISFJs choose to show love, a fitting gesture given their generally reserved natures.
ENFJ AND ISFJ IN BED
ENFJs generally have passionate sexual energy; they make attentive and giving lovers who are as concerned for their partner’s satisfaction as for their own. ISFJs also tend to make giving lovers; they have a sensual sexual energy and are not as reserved in the bedroom as they are in their day-to-day lives.
Though it may take a little time for the ISFJ to feel sufficiently comfortable with their partner, once they do the ENFJ/ISFJ couple is likely to enjoy a healthy and satisfying sex life.
II. ENFJ AND ISFJ COUPLES/MARRIAGE
HOW DO ENFJ AND ISFJ MATCH UP IN LONG-TERM ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
ENFJ MALE/ISFJ FEMALE
Like ENFJ/ISFJ couples in general, the ENFJ male/ISFJ female couple has a good chance at long-term happiness. This pairing may run into problems, though, if the more reserved ISFJ feels verbally bulldozed by her more expressive partner. Conversely, misunderstandings may result if the ENFJ attributes his partner’s silent contemplation for agreement.
ENFJ FEMALE/ISFJ MALE
ENFJ female/ISFJ male pairings also have good potential for long-term success. In these relationships, there is a danger the ENFJ may feel her partner isn’t making enough of an effort to contribute socially; also, there’s a chance the ISFJ male may be exhausted by his more energetic partner’s social expectations.
III. ENFJ AND ISFJ CONFLICTS
Every couple will have to deal with their share of conflict, and the ENFJ/ISFJ couple is no expectation to the rule. Conflict isn’t always bad, though; in fact, many problems represent potential opportunities for a couple to grow closer.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF CONFLICT (AND WHY?)
Generally speaking, ENFJ/ISFJ relationships aren’t rife with conflict. When partners in an ENFJ/ISFJ pairing do experience strife, it’s often for one of the following reasons:
- ENFJs are generally progressive/ISFJs tend to be traditionalists
- These types have very different communication styles
- ENFJs and ISFJs have different social needs
Though ENFJs and ISFJs share many values, the progressive/traditional dynamic between these types may be problematic. ENFJs look for ways to improve upon existing systems, while their ISFJ counterparts tend not to want to tinker with what seems to work.
As mentioned earlier, ENFJs and ISFJs communicate very differently. ENFJs generally have a more abstract communicative style than their ISFJ partners. ENFJs like to discuss the “why” of a thing; ISFJs, on the other hand, are direct communicators who prefer discussing the “what.”
The vastly different social needs of ENFJs and ISFJs is also a potential source of conflict between ENFJ/ISFJ partners. As introverts, ISFJs need a reasonable amount of time alone; unlike their ENFJ counterparts, ISFJs may easily be exhausted by too much socializing.
HOW DO THEY RESOLVE CONFLICT?
ENFJs and ISFJs are both emotionally intelligent personality types and are, generally speaking, adept at resolving conflicts. That said, there are some significant differences in how these types approach conflict resolution. For example, ENFJs prefer to deal with potential issues right away; this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, unless solutions are rushed.
Unlike their ENFJ counterparts, ISFJs prefer to consider a situation carefully before suggesting possible solutions. At their worst, though, ISFJs may find themselves tempted to put off dealing with potential conflict for longer than may be healthy.
HOW DO THEY BUILD TRUST?
Generally, ENFJs are warm, generous people who prefer to give others the benefit of the doubt. That said, they often have difficulty letting people get close. Affable and outgoing, ENFJs are great at getting people to open up to them but have a hard time doing the same.
Like their ENFJ counterparts, ISFJs are generally trusting people. Because of their tendency to want to please others, ISFJs can find themselves trusting too easily and being taken advantage of as a result. Ultimately, ISFJs will place the most trust in people who have proven themselves capable of fulfilling their obligations.
IV. ENFJ AND ISFJ FRIENDSHIPS
With their many similarities and generally complementary personalities, ENFJs and ISFJs often make wonderful, supportive friends. Under healthy circumstances, ENFJ/ISFJ friends become teams that elevate and benefit both parties.
ENFJ AND ISFJ: APPROACH TO FRIENDSHIP
As outgoing, expressive people, ENFJs attract others to themselves quite naturally. Attentive listeners who are often able to perceive people’s emotional needs, ENFJs have a gift for empathizing with others and for making them feel understood.
Unlike their more outgoing counterparts, who tend to have large circles of friends, ISFJs usually have smaller groups of very close friends. ISFJs make caring and above all supportive friends; this type will stop at almost nothing to help a friend solve a problem or achieve a goal.
ENFJ AND ISFJ FRIENDSHIP DYNAMICS
ENFJ/ISFJ friends have the potential to make a great team. Both feeling personality types who take other people and their feelings very seriously, they’re likely to appreciate and reinforce that quality in one another.
These types are also complementary in some significant ways and are likely to challenge each other to examine new ideas and become more well-rounded individuals.
WHAT MAKES THEM GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS?
ENFJs and ISFJs can be very good for each other as friends; not only are they similar in many ways, but their differences are often complimentary. For example, these types are well positioned to shore-up each other’s shortcomings when making plans for the future; ENTJs naturally focus on the bigger picture, while ISFJs are sticklers for details.
COULD THEY BE CLOSE FRIENDS?
Given their many similarities and largely complementary differences, ENFJs and ISFJs have the potential to become close friends, even life-long friends.
WHAT ARE SOME AREAS THAT MIGHT CAUSE THEM PROBLEMS AS FRIENDS?
Like ENFJ/ISFJ romantic partners, ENFJ/ISFJ friends will have some differences to overcome and potential conflicts to navigate as they foster their relationship. In fact, many of the problems faced by ENFJ/ISFJ romantic partners will also manifest in ENFJ/ISFJ friendships.
