ENFJ and ISTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance

Though they both act differently on the outside, especially when around others, ENFJ and ISTJ are in fact two of the most caring people you will ever meet. Able to build strong connections with others very quickly, ENFJ and ISTJ also find they are drawn to one another once they meet. Able to work very well together at almost anything, it is only natural that at some point these two become friends, lovers, or even spouses.

I. Compatibility

Initially, it may look as if ENFJ and ISTJ would not be compatible with one another. After all, ENFJ thrives in groups, while ISTJ always sits back and takes in all that is happening around them. Yet at some point, they meet and quickly discover they have many of the same interests and desires for making the world a much better place to live.

Whatever type of relationship evolves between them, each will take it very seriously from the beginning. Always willing to learn more about one another, ENFJ and ISTJ are both excellent at keeping the communication lines open between them at all times. Once they move into a romance with each other, both find they feel more secure and almost as if they have a soulmate by their side.


Summary Chart: ENFJ and ISTJ Compatibility vs. Potential Conflicts 

Compatibility:  Potential Conflicts: 
Each wants to help others succeed  ISTJ may criticize ENFJ too often 
Both excel at interpersonal communication  ENFJ can be too idealistic 
Each is very trustworthy  ISTJ too reserved socially 
Each likes to follow plans and rules  ENFJ not giving ISTJ their space 

3 Reasons Why ENFJ and ISTJ Are Good for Each Other

Possessing many similarities, there are a multitude of reasons why ENFJ and ISTJ are good for each other.

  1. Determination to understand each other.
  2. Empathetic toward others.
  3. Never shy away from a discussion.

Even when these two may have a conflict with one another, which happens rarely, both are nevertheless determined to get a better understanding of the other person’s point of view.

Whether they are friends or lovers, each will always try to be empathetic toward the other. Though each tend to be judgmental at times, both are usually good at putting themselves in the other person’s shoes long enough to figure out why they act or feel the way they do about certain things.

Ultimately, it is their willingness to never shy away from a discussion that helps keep these two together over the long haul. Whether it’s a personal problem or a topic like religion or politics, ENFJ and ISTJ can discuss anything and everything with one another or with others.


3 Reasons Why ENFJ and ISTJ Are Not Good for Each Other

Though friendships and romances succeed more often than not between these two, there are times when ENFJ and ISTJ find they are not a good fit for each other.

  1. ENFJ can be better at giving love than receiving love.
  2. ISTJ may be too self-sufficient, leaving ENFJ on their own.
  3. ENFJ may have to work too hard to discover the real ISTJ.

When these two are in a romantic relationship, ISTJ may discover that ENFJ is far better at giving out love or compliments than they are at receiving love or adulation. As a result, ISTJ may start to feel as if their relationship is too one-sided, which can lead to problems.

On many occasions, ISTJ may appear to be far too self-sufficient for their own good. Even if they are having problems dealing with something, they will often shut out others as they try to solve a problem on their own. When this happens, ENFJ’s feelings will be hurt, since they are well-known for wanting to help others move toward a better life.

Finally, ISTJ is not an easy person to get to know, at least when it comes to their innermost feelings. Because of this, ENFJ will need to be very patient and creative in order to draw out the thoughts and feelings of their ISTJ friend or lover. If this takes much more work than ENFJ anticipated, they may want to move on to someone else who expresses themselves much more freely.



To make the communication process between ENFJ and ISTJ work to perfection, they need to keep certain things in mind.

For starters, ISTJ will need to refrain from their tendency to be too harsh and critical of ENFJ, especially in situations where ISTJ feels as if ENFJ acted without thinking. Instead, they will need to point out how much they appreciate ENFJ’s efforts and acknowledge they realize their heart was in the right place.

As for ENFJ, they will need to remember that ISTJ needs some time to themselves on a daily basis. Because of this, ENFJ needs to use email, text messages, and even voicemail as much as possible, especially when ISTJ is involved in a complex project or situation. Should ISTJ’s phone be constantly ringing or ENFJ shows up at their door much too often, this can lead to conflicts.


Where are they strong and why?

ENFJ and ISTJ are strong in communication with one another because they both thrive on in-depth discussions and getting to understand what makes each other tick. Very good at considering the other person’s needs, neither is afraid to engage the other in a conversation about even the most sensitive of topics.


Where do they have problems and why?

Communication problems can occur between ENFJ and ISTJ on two fronts. First, ISTJ may tend to keep their feelings to themselves about certain things, despite the best efforts of ENFJ to draw them out into the open. Though ISTJ will come around over time and open up more to ENFJ as they begin to build a greater level of trust, this may initially pose a problem within their friendship or romance.

As for ENFJ, they may be too willing to communicate a bit too often for ISTJ’s world. If ENFJ is always wanting to tell ISTJ about their latest problem, this will drive a wedge between these two very quickly. Before ENFJ knows it, ISTJ is probably avoiding them as much as possible.


How can they improve their communication?

Communication will improve among these two when ENFJ picks and chooses what they need to tell ISTJ on a daily basis. In other words, unless it’s something that is drastically important, ISTJ will likely prefer that ENFJ keep it to themselves.

ISTJ will improve their communication with ENFJ when they stop being critical more often than not, allow ENFJ to share more and more about their day, and acknowledge ENFJ’s feelings about things, even if they do seem trivial to the very serious ISTJ.


Where do they connect and why?

ENFJ and ISTJ connect in the areas of wanting to help people and communicating with others. Very empathetic towards people who are experiencing difficulties, they are ultimately good at understanding the needs of people, especially each other.

They also excel at communicating with others. ENFJ will always stand out more in a group setting than ISTJ. However, once ISTJ is finished sitting back and reading the room, they can quickly emerge as the life of the party or discussion, which will leave ENFJ tremendously impressed.


ENFJ and ISTJ: Values

If there is one area in which these two are very compatible, it is their values in terms of how they treat others and work hard to get the things they want out of life.


3 Things ENFJ Values

  1. Taking care of everyone else
  2. Committed relationships
  3. Unconditional love

Always focused on taking care of others, ENFJ will put the needs of everyone else before their own. Always desiring a relationship where they feel safe and secure, ENFJ will love being in a committed relationship, and will work very hard to find one they feel is perfect for them and their needs. Last but not least, ENFJ values unconditional love, since they believe this is what ultimately solves most problems and keeps friendships, romances, and marriages strong for many years.


3 Things ISTJ Values

  1. Self-sufficiency
  2. Order and practicality
  3. Meeting their obligations

ISTJ will always do whatever it takes to keep a promise they make to others, even if it means going to great lengths to do so. Logical thinkers at heart, ISTJ will also value a life that is filled with practicality and order, especially when it comes to their family life. Finally, always count on ISTJ to be self-sufficient whenever possible. In the world of ISTJ, asking for help from others is always the very last option on their list, although they will do so when they determine it is the practical thing to do to solve a problem.


How do their values match up?

The values of ENFJ and ISTJ are very compatible. Each believes it is very important to follow through on promises and obligations, even if they may be tough to accomplish or be inconvenient. Since both are champions of the underdog, they also share similar values in terms of helping others find success and justice when applicable.

When these two are a couple, their shared values on these important fronts leads them to develop a strong bond of trust with one another. Whether they are working through a difficult personal problem or helping others overcome personal challenges, ENFJ and ISTJ trust their values to guide them to the right answers.


Love Language/Love Style

To nobody’s surprise, ENFJ will always be the person who is there to offer kind words and a hug to others when times get tough. ISTJ, while caring just as much as ENFJ about people, will instead focus their energy on finding practical solutions to problems. Believing their actions will speak for them, ISTJ will make quality time with their friend, lover, or spouse a major priority on a regular basis.


Ways ENFJ Will Show Their Love

ENFJ will display love in the following ways.

  1. Stay committed to a relationship.
  2. Discussing their emotions and feelings.
  3. Helping others work through problems.

Even when a relationship gets rocky, ENFJ will not bail immediately. Instead, they will attempt to discuss their emotions and feelings with others in an effort to solve the problem. This also works well when they are helping total strangers, since ENFJ is great at putting others at ease in a hurry. Helping others is also at the core of who ENFJ is, which means they can be found getting that special gift for a loved one, planning a quiet dinner with their lover, or volunteering to hand out gift baskets at a food drive or Christmas toy drive for kids.


Ways ISTJ Will Show Their Love

ISTJ will display love in the following ways.

  1. Keeping their promises.
  2. Making time for quality time.
  3. Being practical and orderly.

ISTJ will show their love for others by keeping their promises, since they know this helps to build trust and allow others to count on them when problems arise. ISTJ will also never let work or other things stand in the way of spending quality time with family or close friends, so they will not hesitate to reschedule a meeting to attend a kid’s ballgame or celebrate an anniversary. Finally, ISTJ will believe that by being practical and orderly in tough times, they are showing their love by helping others realize stability is just around the corner.


ENFJ and ISTJ in Bed

When ENFJ and ISTJ are in bed, they make sure the sparks fly from beginning to end. ENFJ, being a very warm person, will always make sure their ISTJ partner will enjoy sex as much as they do. Meanwhile, ISTJ will leave their practical side elsewhere, and will instead display a level of passion and fun that few others rarely get to see. In fact, once these two get underneath the sheets, they will be in no hurry to get back to the real world.


II. ENFJ and ISTJ Couples/Marriage

How does ENFJ match up in a long-term romantic relationship?


ENFJ Male and ISTJ Female

In this relationship, the ENFJ male will be a man who is very in touch with his feelings, and also those of his romantic partner. This will greatly please the ISTJ female, who will be able to talk to her partner about anything. As a result, neither will rarely feel misunderstood or as if their partner is ignoring their needs.


ENFJ Female and ISTJ Male

In this pairing, the ENFJ female will be the person her ISTJ male can always count on to pick them up when they are feeling down. This creates a very loving bond between these two, often leading to a relationship that results in marriage. As for the ISTJ male, he will be the voice of reason when things get tumultuous, and will also be known as a person who never forgets those special birthdays or anniversaries.


III. ENFJ and ISTJ Conflicts

Even though ENFJ and ISTJ are not known for having too many conflicts, they do crop up now and then, especially when certain problems rise to the surface.


Possible Areas of Conflict and Why

When a rare conflict arises, it happens due to the following reasons:

  • ISTJ will criticize rather than appreciate ENFJ’s efforts.
  • ENFJ will be too emotional for the practical and orderly ISTJ.
  • ISTJ may not want to socialize as much as ENFJ.

ENFJ will always have their heart in the right place and the best of intentions. Yet when things don’t go as planned, ISTJ may get impatient and lash out with criticism, rather than thank ENFJ for trying.

When ISTJ is focusing on order and practicality, the emotional side of ENFJ may intervene a bit too much. If ISTJ does not allow ENFJ to blend in their emotions with ISTJ’s practical and logical thinking, these two will find themselves at an impasse in terms of how to solve a problem.

ENFJ is much more sociable than ISTJ. This can become a problem when ISTJ wants to stay home time after time, since ENFJ thrives in group settings and loves to make new friends at every turn. Should ISTJ thwart the social plans of ENFJ too often, this can become a big area of conflict between them.


How do they resolve conflict?

Conflict is resolved between ENFJ and ISTJ when ISTJ lets ENFJ have the time needed to express their emotions during a discussion. It will also be important for ENFJ to let ISTJ have some space after a conflict to think things through and recharge their batteries, especially if the conflict resulted in an argument.


How do they build trust?

Trust is built between ENFJ and ISTJ in multiple ways. First, ISTJ will need to let ENFJ express their true thoughts and feelings, resisting the urge to criticize. Meanwhile, ENFJ will need to let ISTJ present their logical and practical solution to a problem, and will need to do so without giving in to emotional outbursts. If each does so and ISTJ also opens up emotionally along the way, trust is established.


IV. ENFJ and ISTJ Friendships

These two make great friends, even after knowing each other only a short time. Sharing similar values, ideas, and interests, ENFJ and ISTJ often have long-term friendships that last decades.


ENFJ and ISTJ: Approach to Friendship

ENFJ looks for friends who will be willing to share their emotions. While this is not necessarily ISTJ’s main strength, they are willing to do so as they begin to trust someone more and more.

ISTJ will seek out friends who share their passion for setting and achieving goals, want to make a real difference in the world, and have that unique combination of seriousness and silliness.


ENFJ and ISTJ Friendship Dynamics

When these two form a friendship, each brings with them different dynamics. ENFJ offers a big dose of compassion and understanding to the friendship, while ISTJ brings practicality, order, and determination to the duo. Once they are able to mesh everything, they are a pairing that is able to get plenty of things done, size up people very quickly, and count on one another to be there under any circumstances.


What makes them good for each other as friends?

In a way, these two are good for each other as friends because of the ways they are opposite from each other. When ENFJ gets upset, ISTJ can help them see the logical side of things. Likewise, when ISTJ starts to get too practical and forgets about the emotions needed in certain situations, ENFJ can be there to bring the compassion and empathy that is often needed to keep a friendship going strong.


Could they be close friends?

ENFJ and ISTJ can indeed be close friends. In fact, it is not unusual to have them become fast and close friends. Both will appreciate the willingness of the other to work hard and keep the promises they make to one another and other people as well. Since they also want to help the world become a better place to live, both love volunteering for various causes as a team, where they can often quickly become leaders for whatever cause they hold near and dear to their hearts.


What are some areas that may cause them problems as friends?

In every friendship, there are some areas that may cause problems. When that friendship is between ENFJ and ISTJ, the hesitancy of ISTJ to socialize as much as ENFJ wants is often a big sticking point. ENFJ loves to be in group settings, while ISTJ likes to spend time alone. ISTJ may also hesitate to let ENFJ see through their outer wall to what they are really thinking and feeling, which can leave ENFJ feeling left out from an emotional standpoint. If these problems are not addressed and solved, it is likely that despite their many similarities, ENFJ and ISTJ will see their friendship fizzle.