INFJ and ESTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance

Though INFJ and ESTJ are different in many aspects of their personalities, they come together through their desire to help others. Both are determined, hard-working and want to see the world become a better place. What may start out as a friendship here blossoms into a romance, and this makes for a formidable couple.


When INFJ and ESTJ forge a bond with one another, they do so by using the strengths each brings to the relationship to deal with the weaknesses that may hinder things along the way. For example, INFJ is very creative and great at problem-solving, which can help ESTJ learn how the decisions they make will impact the lives of others. Later on, ESTJ will return the favor by using their practicality and attentiveness to help INFJ share their innermost thoughts not only with ESTJ but with others as well.

Each considers relationships to be very important, especially those whom they care for very deeply. Though INFJ will usually have very close friendships with only a few people, ESTJ will help them expand their circle of friends as their relationship progresses. As very principled individuals, INFJ and ESTJ each live their lives based on beliefs and values they have held near and dear from very early on in their lives.

Summary Chart: INFJ and ESTJ Compatibility vs. Possible Conflicts

Compatibility Possible Conflicts
Both love helping others INFJ may be too reserved for ESTJ
They are logical and practical thinkers ESTJ might not give INFJ enough alone time
They share a commitment to their values INFJ is often too judgmental for ESTJ 
They tend to encourage and motivate one another Neither is good at adapting to changes

3 Reasons Why INFJ and ESTJ Are Good for Each Other

Since they are similar in many important areas, it is not hard to see why INFJ and ESTJ can turn out to be extremely good for one another:

  1. Each is loyal and hard-working
  2. They both love encouraging and helping others
  3. They’re willing to think about and discuss problems

In this relationship, whether it is friendship or something stronger, INFJ and ESTJ love to follow a logical plan to arrive at what works best for them. As ESTJ begins to show empathy and a willingness to listen to whatever is bothering INFJ, the result will be a mutual building of trust, especially with INFJ.

Each needs a certain amount of space to work through problems on their own. However, as trust builds and each begins to feel safer and safer with one another, INFJ and ESTJ come together more often than not to make their relationship work. Through encouragement and getting involved in projects where both feel they are making a difference in the lives of others, they begin building a life together.

3 Reasons Why INFJ and ESTJ May Not be Good for Each Other

Since these two are different in certain ways, compatibility is not always guaranteed in friendship or romance. Here are a few reasons why this pairing may not be a great combination:

  1. INFJ may push ESTJ too hard and too fast in terms of expressing their personal feelings.
  2. ESTJ may be too independent for INFJ, especially when ESTJ is under stress and trying to solve a problem.
  3. At times, an ESTJ’s principles may be too rigid for INFJ, especially in situations where INFJ feels the rules may need to be bent just a bit.

Known as an advisor, INFJ always seeks the most creative solution to a problem. However, ESTJ may grow impatient at this, instead of wanting to solve the problem through logical means only.

Inconsistency can also plague this relationship. If INFJ feels as if they failed to achieve their goals, they may retreat into themselves and start a rift with ESTJ. Should this occur, each will find it hard to build and maintain the trust they thought existed between them.

Finally, both INFJ and ESTJ have problems with changes that come quickly and unexpectedly. Thus, when chaos comes calling, each will feel a great deal of stress. Though they can often come together to solve problems, these situations can also lead to disagreements that can severely hinder their relationship.


Due to their differences, INFJ and ESTJ need to work especially hard with each other to keep the lines of communication open day after day.

When INFJ stays somewhat reserved with their thoughts and feelings, ESTJ will need to go to work by showing large amounts of empathy and patience. As they do, INFJ will reciprocate by coming out of their shell to tell ESTJ what’s on their mind. Since each likes getting problems solved, they are usually willing to do the hard work necessary to make their relationship work.

Where are they strong, and why?

This pairing is strong because each is grounded in a system of beliefs and values that allow them to drift off-course rarely. This, coupled with the knowledge each possesses about how to connect to one another’s feelings, makes communication in most areas easier than they expect it to be, even when talking through difficult subjects.

Where are they weak, and why?

At times, communication weaknesses pop up between INFJ and ESTJ. This happens most frequently when INFJ is confronted by an argument that is not so much too logical but too drawn-out for their tastes.

Meanwhile, ESTJ functions best when they can focus on solving only one problem at a time. Though ESTJ doesn’t mind hard work on any level, they can begin to feel overwhelmed if they are not given the amount of time they feel a problem deserves.

How can INFJ and ESTJ Improve their Communication?

If both INFJ and ESTJ are willing to make a few sacrifices here and there, their quality of communication can be improved significantly. To start with, INFJ will need to put their idealism and passion aside about a subject, making sacrifices to conciliate ESTJ’s desire for logic.

Meanwhile, ESTJ will need to be willing to look at how their values and belief system may cloud their judgment on a subject that is causing conflict between themselves and INFJ. Though INFJ does not necessarily want ESTJ to push their beliefs aside, they do want ESTJ to consider that a problem does not always have to be solved the same way each time.

Where do they connect? Why?

These two connect best when they are able to formulate a plan and follow it through to its conclusion. This works very well for them when they team up to work on a project they believe in strongly and will make an immediate difference in the lives of others. This could be handing out food at a food bank, taking part in a neighborhood cleanup, or helping to build a new home for low-income individuals.

As two people who are empathetic, altruistic, and understanding of the needs of others, they can ultimately see how what one of them may think of as a weakness may actually be a very important strength within their relationship.

INFJ and ESTJ: Values

Of these two, it is ESTJ who tends to focus more on living life based on a strict set of long-held beliefs and values. However, INFJ is also smart enough to realize that by staying true to one’s values, it is easier to navigate the complexities life has in store each and every day.

3 Things an INFJ Values

  1. Close relationships
  2. Time alone to think
  3. Determination to accomplish goals

In many ways, INFJ is an eclectic mix of personality traits that can drive others crazy at times. On the one hand, they love having close relationships, yet can be very distant from those they don’t know and trust.

INFJs can also be determined to accomplish whatever goals they set for themselves, yet may also get too bogged down in trying to find creative solutions instead of taking the most logical path. In the end, INFJ finds a way to connect with others emotionally, achieve their goals, and channel their passion and creativity into making plans for the future.

3 Things an ESTJ Values

  1. Organization
  2. Loyalty
  3. Hard Work

The ESTJ personality type is often known as “the Commander,” and for good reason. They are extremely organized and can be loyal to a fault sometimes, especially with their family members and closest friends.

Always looking to play by the rules in any situation, ESTJ will want to take charge of a situation to make sure everything is done correctly. Never afraid of hard work, ESTJ will always be the person who is finalizing the details of a food drive, chaperoning their child’s field trip, or taking charge of an important project at their workplace.

How do values of INFJ and ESTJ Compare?

Once these two types learn to look beyond a few superficial differences, each will discover their values match up very well with one another. Both enjoy seeing others succeed, so their altruism, passion, and determination combine to give them both a great deal of satisfaction in these moments.

Should their relationship evolve into that of a romantic couple, they will come to appreciate each other’s differences, although it may take some time for this to happen. Knowing that the other wants the best for not only themselves but for others as well means that mutual respect builds and creates a strong and lasting emotional bond between INFJ and ESTJ.

Love Language and Style

When this relationship is at its best, INFJ expresses their thoughts and feelings as much as possible to ESTJ, although this must be done in a rational manner. As for ESTJ, they show their love for INFJ by giving them a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear when they just need to talk.

Ways INFJ Show Their Love

An INFJ will display love in such ways as:

  • Staying committed to the relationship
  • Searching for solutions to complex problems
  • Spending quality time with ESTJ

Whether it’s taking a day off from work or making plans for a weekend, INFJ will make quality time with ESTJ a top priority. When this is combined with deep conversations, no two people could be happier with one another.

Ways ESTJ Show Their Love

ESTJs express their love by:

  • A willingness to help
  • Displaying empathy
  • Giving their partner some space

An ESTJ loves to see problems get solved to everyone’s satisfaction, which is why they are always willing to be empathetic to their partner. Knowing their partner will sometimes need space to think things through, ESTJ begrudges them this emotional distance when necessary. Always able to show concern for the feelings of INFJ, ESTJ will bring attentiveness and logical thinking to the table, which will both impress INFJ and help them feel safe.

INFJ and ESTJ in Bed

Once their relationship progresses to romantic intimacy, ESTJ will be extremely good once they get under the sheets. Just as assertive in the bedroom as they are in the boardroom, ESTJ will never have a problem letting INFJ know what they want and like.

Meanwhile, INFJ will also be very passionate with their ESTJ partner since they believe that sexual intimacy will make this couple soulmates.

INFJ and ESTJ Couples/Marriage

INFJ Male and ESTJ Female

Since both INFJ and ESTJ like to follow well-constructed plans, this couple has staying power for a long-term romantic relationship. While the ESTJ female will be the outgoing half of this couple, the INFJ male will bring a quiet sense of safety and knowledge to the relationship. Even if the ESTJ female wants to take charge quite frequently, the INFJ male is comfortable enough in his masculinity to let it happen.

INFJ Female and ESTJ Male

In this dynamic, it will almost always be the ESTJ male who dominates the relationship. However, that’s not always a bad thing in the eyes of the INFJ female. Even as the captain of the ship in terms of their relationship, the ESTJ male will still be willing to talk out problems, entertain creative suggestions, and be there for his partner when times get tough.

INFJ and ESTJ Conflicts

Since these two do have numerous personality differences, it’s not hard to see why they could have conflicts along the way. Specifically, areas of communication and problem-solving are the two most likely sources of any arguments that may arise between INFJ and ESTJ.

Possible Areas of Conflict and Why it Occurs

When INFJ and ESTJ conflict occurs, it is usually due to the following reasons:

  • ESTJ gives orders instead of looking for a compromise
  • INFJ won’t talk about their feelings enough with ESTJ
  • INFJ gets too stressed out when change takes place

When these two are under stress, many of their differences result in conflict. While ESTJ will get stressed out by INFJ insisting they express their personal feelings about a subject, INFJ will quickly tire of the long, drawn-out, logical arguments ESTJ initiates about something INFJ may see as trivial at best. Should both INFJ and ESTJ start to feel as if their relationship is more chaotic and less stable, it can end as quickly as it began.

How do they resolve their conflict?

Should an argument begin between INFJ and ESTJ, INFJ will see effecting a peaceful resolution as their most important job. If there is one thing INFJ does not want, it is for each person to say things they may deeply regret later on.

When these two conflict, ESTJ will go nuts if they think INFJ is not thinking rationally about what appears to them to be an easy problem to solve. To resolve their conflict, INFJ will try to be direct and logical with ESTJ, while ESTJ will give INFJ time and space to reach a logical solution.

How do they build trust with one another?

This couple will begin to build substantial trust with one another when ESTJ uses their attentive listening and empathy to listen to the feelings being expressed by INFJ. ESTJ will start to place their trust in INFJ when INFJ deals with them in a manner that is direct and level-headed, since this lets ESTJ know they have a partner who will be rational when problems arise.

INFJ and ESTJ Friendships

Similar in some ways yet vastly different in others, INFJ and ESTJ can be an odd couple regarding friendship. Yet because each has plenty of respect for the other, the friendship is one that may endure for many years.

INFJ vs. ESTJ: Their Approach to Friendship

On the roadmap to friendship, these two take paths that are different, to say the least. INFJ will stay reserved when first meeting others and will almost always only have a select few people they actually call friends. Meanwhile, ESTJ will be much more outgoing and eager to establish as many friendships as possible.

ESTJ will not judge others as much as INFJ, making it much easier for them to gain and keep new friends. Since INFJ will often find fault with people very quickly, they have a tendency to move from person to person, trying to find those one or two people who fit their idea of a “perfect” friend. Yet once they meet an ESTJ they actually like quite a bit, they are willing to put aside their unattainable ideas of perfection in order to build a friendship with this person, even if they still see it as somewhat unorthodox.

INFJ and ESTJ Friendship Dynamics

In essence, this friendship works because INFJ and ESTJ each acknowledge the other’s differences from the very beginning. Often coming together over a common cause, they realize each brings various strengths and levels of life experience to the friendship that will be hard to find elsewhere. Ultimately, each makes the other person better because they help one another see the world in a way that perhaps they never previously envisioned.

What makes INFJ and ESTJ good for each other as friends?

INFJ and ESTJ work well as friends because they complement each other so well in so many areas. At a party, ESTJ will ensure everyone in attendance knows just how special INFJ really is as a person and friend. On the flip side, INFJ will help ESTJ ease up a bit in terms of always feeling the need to be in charge of a situation.

Often found having discussions about their values and beliefs, INFJ and ESTJ will come to understand one another on a very deep level, meaning they will respect the ability of one another while also being willing to agree to disagree when necessary.

Can INFJ and ESTJ be close friends?

Because they both want to see people reach their full potential and build a world where fairness and equality are high priorities, INFJ and ESTJ can become close friends as they strive to achieve these goals. Although at times, their journey to friendship won’t be easy, INFJ and ESTJ use their determination and commitment to forge a friendship that may seem to defy logic to their families and friends.

What are areas that may cause problems in an INFJ and ESTJ friendship?

Like any friendship, certain areas may lead to problems between INFJ and ESTJ. The most likely is INFJ having a preference for being alone or with only a friend or two, while ESTJ never minds being the life of the party and hanging out with as many people as possible.

Another area of conflict may involve ESTJ thinking INFJ is too much of an idealist, failing to see things as they really are, no matter how bad the situation. Last but not least, INFJ may come to feel that ESTJ orders them around instead of asking them if they want to do something. Should this happen a bit too much for INFJ’s liking, the friendship could dissolve in the blink of an eye.