INFJ and ISFJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance

INFJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging) and ISFJs (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling and Judging) are two very similar personalities who possess a single key difference — their cognitive function. The result is that INFJs are big picture people and ISFJs are detail-oriented.

Regardless, they are both personalities who are endlessly kind and who will always prioritize helping other people over their own needs. They are intelligent and curious and have a solid work ethic. Socially, they prefer small gatherings with a few close friends rather than big chaotic parties. Both personality types try to avoid conflict if at all possible.

In spite of their similarities, their cognitive difference, sensing versus intuitive, makes them perceive the world very differently. INFJs are imaginative and can see almost unlimited possibilities in any situation while ISFJs need structure, rules and traditions. INFJs are sometimes overcome with self-doubt and have a tendency to feel as if they don’t fit in, even among friends. ISFJs, on the other hand, are comfortable with other people in any situation and rarely struggle with self-doubt.

Are INFJs and ISFJs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

Like most personalities, INFJs and ISFJs can absolutely be in a successful relationship as long as they are willing to work together and accept each other’s strengths and limitations. They have similar dispositions and social preferences, meaning that they are very compatible and their differences will complement each other.


INFJs are one of the most empathetic personalities. They deeply care about other people, so much so that they often overlook their own problems. They are highly ethical and driven by the desire to do what is right for all people involved. They also tend to focus on the whole rather than on the parts.

4 Characteristics of INFJs

  1. They tend to be very creative, which is often expressed through art.
  2. They can be stubborn that they’re right about certain issues and riddled with self-doubt in other areas.
  3. Because they are so naturally nurturing, they make great parents.
  4. They tend to rely on instinct and intuition more often than logically driven arguments.


ISFJs want nothing more than to help people. They are warm and giving and will drop everything to be there and be supportive. They dislike conflict but will stand up for what is right. ISFJs prefer structure and tradition over change and innovation.

4 Characteristics of ISFJs

  1. They have a tremendous work ethic and need to be careful not to burn themselves out. 
  2. ISFJs are always practical with a real-world sense of what works. 
  3. They tend to amplify other people’s voices more often than making sure that their own perspective is heard. 
  4. They will sometimes hide their feelings even from those who care about them the most.

Because INFJs and ISFJs both tend to be selfless, they may agree more often than not. This may be a key feature that leads to a successful relationship.

4 Reasons INFJs and ISFJs would romantically mesh well together

  1. As introverts, both will be respectful and understanding of each other’s need for down time. 
  2. They will tend to have similar day to day habits and preferences. 
  3. By nature, they will be supportive of each other. 
  4. They’re both very committed personality types, willing do whatever it takes to make a relationship work.

Even with all of their similarities, INFJs and ISFJs still have differences in how they perceive the world and that could lead to problems down the road.

4 Reasons INFJs and ISFJs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. INFJs are usually open to trying new things. ISFJs prefer to stick to tried and true methods. 
  2. INFJs spend their time thinking about the future while ISFJs are firmly anchored to the present. 
  3. ISFJs tend to be more physically adventurous and active than INFJs.
  4. They’re both reluctant to deal with conflict so minor resentments may grow into bigger problems.

Romance / Love / Sex

When an INFJ and ISFJ romance evolves into love, how sustainable would a long-term relationship be?

It would be totally sustainable as long as they agree to communicate openly, especially when frustrations build up. If they’re honest with each other, all things are possible.

INFJs are not looking for one night stands or casual relationships. They want a deep, meaningful connection — they want to find their soul mate.

3 Ways an INFJ might approach love

  1. They are very uncomfortable about making the first romantic move. 
  2. INFJs love to be in love and are very romantic when they’ve found the right person. 
  3. When in love, they may need to watch being so attentive that they come off as needy.

ISFJs respect and adhere to traditions, so it’s not surprising that they’re ultimately looking for a committed relationship and eventually having a family. Once all of that happens, they will be completely loyal to their spouse and children.

3 Ways an ISFJ might approach love

  1. Like INFJs, they can also be hesitant to make the first move when romantically interested in someone. 
  2. They don’t usually like to be emotionally vulnerable but with their partner, they will open up.
  3. ISFJs make some of the most devoted romantic partners.

What would cause INFJs and ISFJs to mesh well in a love relationship?

  • They both take love relationships very seriously, so no matter what, each would be all-in. 
  • Both understand and respond to the need for structure and planning in their lives, although an ISFJ is more that way than an INFJ. 
  • Both are passionate and very giving when in a loving relationship, not hesitating to put the other first.

What might cause INFJs and ISFJs to have problems?

  • They both are hesitant to make the first move, so a relationship may never get off the ground in the first place. 
  • They both have a tendency to not confront problematic issues, so resentments could build up. 
  • INFJs are easily upset by criticism even if it comes from a loving and well-meaning ISFJ.

Role of Gender

Depending on their gender, some INFJs and ISFJs almost completely conform to society’s gender role expectations while others are almost completely nonconforming.


Male INFJs do not behave like stereotypical men — they aren’t loud, domineering or consumed with winning at all costs. They don’t womanize or play games with people’s feelings, and they are sensitive, subtle, and sometimes insecure. Chances are that they have been belittled for not being masculine enough, so they may be reluctant to open up to anyone who isn’t a trusted friend.

4 Characteristics of male INFJs

  1. They may feel like they don’t truly fit in, even when amongst their closest friends. 
  2. They like to take romance slow at first. 
  3. Their ideal romantic relationship would be one that is deeply loving and fully committed. 
  4. Some people misinterpret their anxiety and hesitancy as being snobby.

Female INFJs have many stereotypically feminine characteristics. They tend to measure their own value by how much they help other people. They struggle with neediness and insecurity but are fiercely loyal to their friends. Still, you should never underestimate a female INFJ. Go against her values or hurt the people she loves and she will react very badly.

4 Characteristics of female INFJs

  1. They have a tendency to be attracted to partners that are ill-suited for them. 
  2. They cut their friends way more slack than they do for themselves.  
  3. They are incredibly intelligent and amazingly perceptive. 
  4. Older INFJ women have an easier time with self-acceptance than younger ones do.


With ISFJs, women tend to fit within gender stereotypes more than the men do.

Most men aren’t known for being keenly perceptive of other people’s emotions but ISFJ men are. Not only that, they don’t feel the need to act overly masculine to balance out their more feminine traits. They are satisfied with themselves the way they are.

4 Characteristics of male ISFJs

  1. They are very warm and caring. 
  2. They tend to value a traditional family structure with the man as the bread winner and the female in charge of the home. 
  3. They are faithful and feel that they have a duty to serve others.  
  4. Many are comfortable with their own emotions and not afraid to be vulnerable with those they love.

Female ISFJs possess many traits that are typically associated with women. They are compassionate, caring and warm. They adore their friends and will do anything for them but their true priory is their family. They tend to be conventional and prefer a structured and well organized approach to their lives.

4 Characteristics of female ISFJs

  1. Being nurturing comes very naturally to them. 
  2. They are always ready with a practical solution to any problem. 
  3. They are not afraid of a little adventure, especially if it involves physical activity. 
  4. They don’t like to admit it, but they need alone time just as much as INFJs do.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFJ males and ISFJ females

  • If an INFJ male is feeling insecure, his ISFJ girlfriend would be an excellent and empathetic listener. She would do whatever she could to assist him, including helping him focus on actions he could take to make himself feel more secure.
  • Both the INFJ husband and his ISFJ wife have difficulty dealing with anger and confrontation. Often, they let small issues fester into resentments, leading them both to retaliate against one another passive aggressively. Eventually, they will need to go into therapy to learn how to deal with their anger appropriately.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFJ females and ISFJ males

  • An INFJ woman has just graduated college and wants to go on vacation, open a food truck, write a novel and be a pet sitter. Her ISFJ boyfriend loves her enthusiasm but will help her focus on one or two doable projects.
  • An INFJ female and an ISFJ male have signed up at their local bar’s trivia night. She has enthusiasm, intelligence and a wide variety of general knowledge. He has all of that and is better at coming up with obscure facts and statistics.


INFJs and ISFJs both value their close relationships. No matter what, they are loyal, trustworthy and are willing to go that extra mile for a friend.


INFJs may have small social circles but they take those friendships very seriously. Their dream is to have an intimate, soul-to-soul connection with their friends.

3 Characteristics of INFJ friendships

  1. They like being friends with people who share their values and are trustworthy. 
  2. They understand that true friendships need to be nurtured in order to continue to grow and thrive. 
  3. INFJs can feel misunderstood by even their closest friends.


When you first meet an ISFJ, it may seem like it takes a while for them to warm up. They need to test the waters and have time to build trust. Once you are truly friends with an ISFJ, you are friends for life.

3 Characteristics of ISFJ friendships

  1. People are naturally attracted to them as potential friends because of their warmth and friendliness. 
  2. While they care deeply for others, they are less willing to be completely open themselves. 
  3. They tend to be friends with people who share their values and have something in common with them, like a job or other friends.

Can INFJs and ISFJs be friends?

They can absolutely be friends. They will get along fabulously as long as they understand that INFJs have a big picture approach while ISFJs have a much more structured, detail-oriented view point.

3 Reasons why INFJs and ISFJs might mesh well together

  1. They both value being conscientious and giving respect to others. 
  2. They both like discussing intellectual topics, although they may come at ideas from different perspectives.
  3. They both tend to put the needs of other people first, so they would understand that quality in each other.

3 Reasons why there might be potential problems in an INFJ and ISFJ friendship

  1. An INFJ might get frustrated by an ISFJ’s consistently practical approach and their unwillingness to let go a little and dream.
  2. An ISFJ might have trouble relating to an INFJ’s non-traditional take on the issues of the day. 
  3. ISFJs tend to be more focused on today and INFJs can be preoccupied by what will happen in the future.