INFJ and INTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance

INFJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging) and INTJs (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging) share a few key personality traits.

They are both intellectuals who tend to get lost inside of their own thoughts. They like ideas and culture and enjoy engaging in long, back-and-forth discussions. Their idea of fun is a quiet evening spent at home rather than at a crowded concert or raucous party. They also both crave at least some semblance of structure in their daily lives.

Their differences, however, are significant and primarily revolve around how they experience the world. INFJs perceive most everything through a lens of emotion, as deep feelers who spend a good deal of their time helping other people. INTJs, on the other hand, are invested in the soundness of reason and practicality. If a problem can be solved rationally and fairly, it doesn’t much matter to them if anyone feels uncomfortable with the process.

Are INFJs and INTJs compatible enough to be in a romantic relationship?

While on the surface INFJs tend to be emotional where INTJs are more logical, they both prioritize structure and abstract thinking, so they usually resonate on some level. If they are willing to be open and honest and understand each other’s needs, a committed relationship between them can succeed.


INFJs are gentle and caring souls. They are naturally empathic and easily form emotional connections with other people. Sometimes, they get so involved in the problems of others, they may ignore their own issues. As nurturers and protectors, INFJs are generally more willing to stand up to injustice on behalf of other people rather than for themselves.

4 Characteristics of INFJs

  1. They do best with some kind of structure in their lives. 
  2. INFJs tend to be high anxiety individuals and worry about how others perceive them. 
  3. Usually, INFJs are very creative individuals who may pursue art of some kind. 
  4. They sometimes trust their gut feelings rather than a more logical solution.


INTJs pursue their goals in a calculated and logical way. They are highly analytical individuals whose intelligence and capability for abstract thinking usually puts them in the top of their field. Some may consider them to be over-confident or even arrogant when dealing with others, but as perfectionists, their standards for themselves are usually even higher than they are for others.

4 Characteristics of INTJs

  1. If given the option, they would prefer to work alone. 
  2. They are planners. Surprises will tend to unnerve them. 
  3. INTJs don’t worry very much about what other people think and, consequently, will take criticism very well. 
  4. They have a tendency to be judgmental and may unintentionally come off as intimidating.

Because INFJs and INTJs share the personality aspects of being introverted, intuitive and judging, they will likely have a certain number of similarities.

4 Reasons INFJs and INTJs would romantically mesh well together

  1. As introverts, they both understand the need for personal space and down time. 
  2. They are both planners who will rarely want to do something spontaneously. 
  3. They enjoy having intellectual discussions about complex topics. 
  4. They both take romantic decisions very seriously and will share the goal of being in a committed, long-term relationship.

Even with that many traits in common, INFJs and INTJs still approach the world from very different points of view and that could lead to trouble.

4 Reasons INFJs and INTJs might have problems in a romantic relationship

  1. They handle emotions very differently. INFJs are emotional by nature. INTJs have difficulties dealing with emotions. 
  2. INTJs are very blunt, often unintentionally hurting people’s feelings. INFJs are very sensitive and have difficulty with criticism. 
  3. The strictly logical approach of an INTJ may alienate an INFJ who tends to lead with gut-feelings and instinct. 
  4. INTJs may have difficulty understanding that INFJs need a lot of reassurance.

Romance / Love / Sex

When a romance between INFJs and INTJs blossoms into love, is a long-term relationship sustainable?

The answer is yes! As long as they are cognizant and respectful of each other’s differences and willing to attempt to meet the other half way, then all should be well.

INFJs ideally hope to find a deep connection with someone. They generally do not seek casual relationships or look for physical intimacy without there being a prospect for a long-term relationship. They dream of giving their all to someone else who, in turn, would do the same for them.

4 Ways an INFJ might approach love

  1. They need a lot of reassurance and kind words from their partner. 
  2. To an INFJ, spending quality time with their significant other is a key part of their relationship. 
  3. They may be shy or inhibited about expressing physical affection, especially at the beginning of a relationship. 
  4. They adore doing things for their partner and would be thrilled if their partner did loving things for them in return.

INTJs can love just as deeply as anyone else but may have difficulty expressing those feelings. Their love is often communicated as action. The loving things they do, like providing support or contributing financially, show love even if they can’t quite articulate their emotions.

4 Ways an INTJ might approach love

  1. Spending quality time with the person they love is crucial for an INTJ. 
  2. Even though they don’t show emotions, they are actually very sensitive people. 
  3. With the person they love, they will usually enjoy an active but traditional sex life. 
  4. They need adequate personal space and time away, even from their true love.

What would cause INFJs and INTJs to mesh well in a love relationship?

  • When in love, they are both willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. 
  • Balance — the INFJs sensitive side might help tame the INTJs more logical side and vice versa. 
  • Both personalities believe in hard work and will respect each other’s professional lives.

What might cause INFJs and INTJs to have problems?

  • INTJs show love through actions. INFJs want to hear words of love. Each personality will need to adapt for each other in order to prevent problems. 
  • INFJs tend to make decisions based on their gut instincts and values. INTJs use logic alone for decisions and might be contemptuous of doing otherwise. 
  • Communication could be a challenge given that an INFJ may avoid discussing difficult topics.

Role of Gender

Depending on which gender they are, INFJs and INTJs may struggle to fit in with society’s gender role expectations.


INFJ males are one of the rarest Myers-Briggs personality types. They’re deeply sensitive souls who aren’t usually interested in “male” activities like competitive sports or going out drinking with the guys. Instead, they prefer quiet time with close friends and thoughtful conversations. It’s not unusual for male INFJs to struggle with feeling like they don’t fit in.

4 Characteristics of male INFJs

  1. In boisterous social situations, they may try to blend into the background. 
  2. They may have more female friends than male friends. 
  3. They’re known for an “all-or-nothing” attitude. If interested in something, they’re all-in. 
  4. They distrust superficial people.

Female INFJs fit nicely into many female stereotypes. They are extremely caring, nurturing and emotionally intense. If someone needs a sympathetic ear, they are the person for the job. Also known for their intelligence, a female INFJ has a knack for detecting when someone is being less than honest.

4 Characteristics of female INFJs

  1. They are worriers and may feel jealous or insecure within their relationship. 
  2. In a new relationship, they often want to ease into the physical intimacy. 
  3. She will feel more secure with one-on-one socializing rather than in large groups. 
  4. She may have a tendency to be attracted to men who she perceives as needing to be saved.


INTJ males typically have no problem fitting in with other men. They are analytical to a fault but usually struggle with their emotional side. They are reserved, though they do enjoy a lively intellectual conversation. INTJ males may come off as distant or even arrogant because they are operating under the premise that they know better and have worked harder than most other people.

4 Characteristics of male INTJs

  1. They get satisfaction by setting goals and achieving them. 
  2. Deviations from their plans are upsetting to them. 
  3. They have no time for underachievers — they set high goals for themselves and expect others to follow suit. 
  4. It may not occur to them to reach out emotionally to their partner.

Female INTJs can not only be intimidating but tend to behave differently from most other women. Often their confidence, drive and inability to relate well on an emotional level is dismissed as cold-heartedness. It’s no surprise, then, that INTJ females frequently feel alienated from other women and from some men.

4 Characteristics of female INTJs

  1. They may work in male-dominated fields. 
  2. They may have difficulty fitting in and getting along with other women. 
  3. Stereotypically female activities like spa-days, beauty treatments and shopping are generally not for them. 
  4. They are practical and serious and would rarely be accused of being warm and nurturing.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFJ males and INTJ females

  • If invited to a social gathering, both partners may feel initially hesitant. The INFJ male, however, might feel obligated to attend in order to support his other friends. The INTJ female would either grudgingly acquiesce and go with him or would bow out and stay at home.
  • An INTJ female might have to learn to blunt her no-nonsense opinions when talking to her INFJ boyfriend. His feelings will get hurt easily if he believes she’s being too harsh.

Possible relationship scenarios between INFJ females and INTJ males

  • If attending a lecture on global warming, the INFJ woman would be fascinated and hope to learn steps to become an active part of a world-wide solution. The INTJ male would also be very interested in the topic but only as it applied to science. The humanity part may not seem as compelling to him.
  • An INFJ female wants to retile the kitchen floor herself. It might drive her INTJ husband crazy that she hasn’t worked out a precise plan but rather jumped in and is learning how to do it through trial and error.


INFJ and INTJ personalities are different enough that they are likely to be intrigued by one another, thus setting the stage for an amazing friendship.


In the friendship department, there are few personalities as supportive and loving as INFJs. They can get carried away, though, and their own insecurities may cause friction within their relationships.

3 Characteristics of INFJ friendships

  1. They may be hesitant to strike up a friendship, waiting for the other person to act first. 
  2. You won’t find many people more devoted to their friends — they’ll drop everything they’re doing if a friend needs assistance. 
  3. An INFJ can become overly dependent on their friends for reassurance and support.


Sure, they may be emotionally challenged but that doesn’t mean INTJs don’t make great friends. Having a super confident, incredibly honest friend with absolutely zero ulterior motives can be a breath of fresh air.

3 Characteristics of INTJ friendships

  1. They are friends for the long haul — INTJs are extremely loyal. 
  2. In all likelihood, there will be some kind of intellectual component to the friendship. 
  3. They are never afraid to offer their perspective, which is often extremely insightful.

Can INFJs and INTJs be friends?

Absolutely. Their differences are just as likely to compliment one another as they are to create friction.

3 Reasons why INFJs and INTJs might mesh well together

  1. Both personalities are intellectually oriented and love to have deep conversations about the world. 
  2. Both personalities understand the beauty of just spending some down time together in a low-key setting. 
  3. INTJs are very goal-oriented and can encourage those INFJs to be their best selves.

3 Reasons why there might be potential problems in an INFJ and INTJ friendship

  1. INTJs are well known for a lack of emotional intelligence. If their INFJ friend can’t understand that and takes their friend’s personality personally, there will be problems. 
  2. An INFJ’s habit of constantly assessing the feelings of others may get on the nerves of an INTJ. 
  3. An INTJ may feel smothered by the emotional hovering of an INFJ.