ENTJ and ESFJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance
The direct and charismatic ENTJ and the supportive and tender-hearted ESFJ might make a challenging pair. However, these two can form a relationship that is long-lasting and mutually-beneficial thanks to their few shared interests.
Their mutual desires to interact with others and get things done can help this unlikely pair connect for years to come.
I. Compatibility
Generally, ENTJs and ESFJs can struggle to get along, so a relationship between them can be difficult. That said, this couple has the potential to be a great team, and they can help each other to grow into better and more well-rounded individuals.
Both ENTJs and ESFJs are often outgoing social-butterflies who enjoy connecting with other people. When it comes to their relationships, though, they tend to seek different things. ENTJs, for example, often desire a partner who can stimulate them intellectually. Since they’re a cerebral type, the way to an ENTJ’s heart is by lighting up their brain. ENTJs typically are very intelligent and they seek partners who they can share their knowledge with and gain knowledge from.
As for ESFJs, this sensitive and people-oriented type seeks to have a deep emotional connection with their partner. Emotional intimacy is very important to them, and they often couldn’t care less about having long intellectual debates with their partners, especially if they’re about hypotheticals, which ENTJs can sometimes enjoy.
Summary Chart: ENTJ and ESFJ Compatibility vs. Possible Conflicts
| Compatibility | Potential Conflicts |
| Both are extroverted | Different ways of viewing the world |
| Both value order | Communication |
| Both are go-getters | Both can be controlling |
3 Reasons Why ENTJ and ESFJ Are Good for Each Other
Despite this match being a challenging pair, there are a few reasons why they can be good for each other.
- They are both very extroverted/sociable.
- They both care deeply about things being structured/well-organized.
- They are both go-getters.
The first reason why ENTJs and ESFJs can be good for each other is because they are both extroverted types. Because of this, both of these types gain energy from being around other people; and as a result, these two types can be very sociable and can enjoy themselves at a party.
While introverts can find themselves being quickly drained while at a party or large social gathering, extroverts like ENTJs and ESFJs can often see events like these as a great way to have fun.
Because of their shared extroversion, an ENTJ and ESFJ pair can really enjoy themselves while together and may appreciate how many fun adventures and social events they can explore as a couple.
The second reason why ENTJs and ESFJs can be good for each other is because they are both Judging types who prefer things being well-ordered and planned. ENTJs are especially known for their efficiency at accomplishing goals and executing their plans. In fact, the word “execute” and ENTJ is often said to go hand-in-hand.
ESFJs, too, have their own reputation for being great planners and organizers. Whether it’s running a household, a party, or a team, ESFJs can do whatever it takes to make sure these things are run like well-oiled machines.
Since these two types share a desire for things to be structured and organized, they can avoid some of the conflicts that can come when they’re paired with less-organized types. Their day-to-day lives together are also likely to be more neat and efficient.
The final reason why ENTJs and ESFJs can be good for each other is because they are both go-getters. Rather than just talking about it, these two types are about actually doing it. Neither ENTJs nor ESFJs like to leave loose ends and prefer to finish what they start.
While some types, like iNTPs, for example, can plan, (despite being Perceivers), and even start their projects, the follow-through can be very fickle and unreliable. This can be frustrating to ENTJs and ESFJs, and it’s an issue that they typically can avoid having to face when they are paired together with each other.
3 Reasons Why ENTJ and ESFJ Are Not Good for Each Other
Though they have some reasons why they can be good for each other, ENTJs and ESFJs also have some reasons why they can be bad for each other as well.
- They look at the world from very different points-of-view.
- Communication between them can be lacking and disappointing; and at times, it can seem to be nearly impossible.
- Power struggles can rip them apart.
The first reason why ENTJs and ESFJs can be bad for each other is because they view the world through very different lenses. While ENTJs are more cerebral and abstract, ESFJs are more emotional and simple. While ENTJs are all about innovating and looking to the future, ESFJs care more for what has already happened in the past and focusing on the present.
The stark differences between these two types affect basically everything that has to do with how they view and interact with the world and those around, and these contrasting differences can be incredibly hard and frustrating for them to overcome.
These differences can make it hard for ENTJ and ESFJ pairs to see eye-to-eye and understand each other, and by extension, fully know and respect each other.
For ENTJ and ESFJ couples, it can feel like there is a wall between them because of their differences, and if they’re immature, they may each feel like the only way to cross it is to force the other to be more like them. This false belief can lead to them undervaluing each other and assuming that only they know best, but in reality, they can also surpass this wall by maturely respecting their differences and using them to their mutual benefit.
Since they’re so different, communication between them can seem like torture:
To the ENTJ, the ESFJ can seem like an overly-sensitive child that has to be handled with kid-gloves and walked on eggshells around. They may also see the ESFJ as being too concerned about others and too mentally small-minded or simple. And as for the ESFJ, the ENTJ can seem to be an overly-arrogant jerk who lacks social grace and emotional intelligence.
ENTJs are typically direct, and when communicating, they often don’t hold their tongue. Being that they’re Thinkers as well, logic and reason matter a great deal to them and they often have no issue telling someone point-blankly that their feelings on a matter are wrong or do not make logical sense.
ESFJs, however, can be more indirect and can sometimes be more soft-spoken. Highly sensitive, they care a great deal about their own and other’s feelings. Emotional arguments are valid to them and should be taken as truth just like objective logical arguments. This belief can cause the ENTJ to feel frustrated when communicating with them, just like the ENTJ’s harshness can make the ESFJ feel upset when talking with them.
A third reason why ENTJs and ESFJs can be bad for each other is because they can both be very controlling types, so power struggles can be a recurring issue in their relationship and could eventually tear their pairing apart.
When ENTJs think that they are right, they can be authoritative and impatient, wanting things to be done their way and under their order. And when it comes to ESFJs, in their desire to support and “help,” they can be relentlessly bossy and pushy, even when not asked for said help.
Additionally, because both ENTJs and ESFJs are planners, they can sometimes struggle to adapt to new and unexpected situations. When these situations crop up, the stress from their plans being ruined and the pressure from them having to now face the unknown can lead to them fighting over how to move forward. Power struggles like this one can make ENTJs and ESFJs bad for each other if they’re left unmanaged and allowed to destroy the couple.
Communication
ENTJs and ESFJs do not share any functions, and their function stacks are in opposite order.
While ENTJs have the following function stacks: Dominant: Extraverted Thinking (Te) Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition (Ni) Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing (Se) Inferior: Introverted Feeling (Fi), ESFJ function stacks look like this: Extraverted Feeling (Fe) Auxiliary: Introverted Sensing (Si) Tertiary: Extraverted Intuition (Ne) Inferior: Introverted Thinking (Ti).
In other words, the ESFJ’s Dominant Extroverted Feeling function is directly facing the ENTJ’s Dominant Extroverted Thinking function while their other functions are facing their opposites as well: The ENTJ’s Intuition function is facing the ESFJ’s Sensing one, and the ESFJ’s Thinking function is facing the ENTJ’s Feeling one as well.
While some type pairs may have function stacks that don’t share any of the same functions, may be ordered in a compatible way to offset this. ENTJs and INTPs, for example, don’t share any functions, but their stacks are ordered the same way: The INTPs Thinking function lines up with the ENTJ’s, and the ENTJ’s Intuition function lines up with the INTP’s, and so on.
Because both their functions as well as the order of their stacks are so incompatible, communication between ENTJs and ESFJs is made more difficult as it is so much harder for them to see eye-to-eye and be on the same page.
Where are they strong and why?
Where ENTJs and ESFJs are strong is in the fact that they both are typically very talkative. These two types can bounce ideas off of each other and keep a conversation flowing for hours if they find they have a mutual interest in a topic.
Where do they have problems and why?
Where ENTJs and ESFJs can have problems is both in finding topics to talk about that interests them both and in communicating in a way that doesn’t frustrate each other.
For the first issue, the problem is that because ENTJs and ESFJs are so different, they can struggle to find a common ground to talk about, and as for the second issue, because ENTJs can be so harsh when speaking and ESFJs are so sensitive, conversations between them can be frustrating for the ENTJ who will feel the need to bite their tongue and hurtful for the ESFJ who may feel that they’re being attacked.
How might they improve communication?
ENTJs and ESFJs might be able to improve their communication by doing the following things: The ENTJ should avoid speaking too harshly to the ESFJ, and the ESFJ should be more understanding that the ENTJ isn’t trying to hurt them but offer their genuine opinion or point-of-view and may just struggle with its delivery without meaning for it to be hurtful.
Other things they can do that might be able to improve their communication is the ESFJ should try to be more logical when making arguments and avoid using emotional language when they should use objective facts instead, and the ENTJ should work on just listening to the ESFJ more rather than offering them their unsolicited advice or opinions on what they think they should do. Sometimes the ESFJ may just want to vent without the ENTJ giving them advice, and the ENTJ should be more understanding of this.
Where do they connect? Why?
Where ENTJs and ESFJs connect is in their shared preferences for order and routine. They also connect on their love for social interactions and getting things done.
ENTJ & ESFJ: Values
Both ENTJs and ESFJs have strong values.
3 Things an ENTJ Values
- Structure
- Innovation
- Interacting with others
3 Things an ESFJ Values
- Structure
- Security
- Harmony
How do their values match up?
Both ENTJs and ESFJs value socializing and accomplishing goals. They also both value living planned and well-structured lives. Their values differ, however, when it comes to the ENTJ’s love for innovation and the ESFJ’s preference to do what’s tried and true since that method is proven and is thus the more secure option to them.
Love Language/Love Style
Both ENTJs and ESFJs have Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation as their three top love languages.
Ways ENTJs Show Their Love
There are a few ways that ENTJs show their love:
- They’re willing to make adjustments by making time for their partners in their schedules.
- They’re open and are more willing to share their feelings and vulnerabilities
- They’re affectionate and physically demonstrate their love with hugs, kisses, and other forms of physical affection.
- They’re supportive and help their partners get their desires.
Ways ESFJs Show Their Love
ESFJs can show their love in these ways.
- They’re attentive to their partners and take note of important dates and minor details about their partner.
- They’re affectionate and show their love both physically with their bodies through hugs and kisses and verbally with their words.
- They’re responsible and work hard to ensure their relationship and daily life with their partners runs smoothly.
- They’re supportive and are their partner’s biggest cheerleader, actively doing whatever they can to support their partner.
ENTJ and ESFJ in Bed
ENTJs can be very passionate in bed and often enjoy experimenting. ESFJs see sex as more than just a physical act and enjoy the emotional connection they get with their partner in bed. ESFJs are sometimes not open to experimenting in bed.
II. ENTJ and ESFJ Couples/Marriage
How well-matched are they in a long-term romantic relationship?
ENTJ Male and ESFJ Female
The ENTJ male may like how kind and warm-hearted the ESFJ female is, but he may dislike how needy she can be sometimes and how much value she places in other people’s opinions of her.
The ESFJ female may like how hard-working and reliable the ENTJ male is, but she may wish he was more emotionally forthcoming and less cold. She may also wish that he cared more about social norms and other people’s feelings or opinions.
ESFJ Male and ENTJ Female
The ESFJ male may like how intelligent and outgoing the ENTJ female can be, but he may dislike that she isn’t as warm and fuzzy and he may want her to be.
The ENTJ female may like how affectionate and fun the ESFJ male is, but she may dislike how sensitive and smothering he can be.
III. ENTJ and ESFJ Conflicts
As is the case in all relationships, conflicts will occur in relationships between ENTJs and ESFJs.
Possible Areas of Conflict (and Why)
Conflict is actually rare, but it may inevitably occur for the following reasons:
- The ENTJ’s desire for innovation and the ESFJ’s preference for the safer option
- The ESFJ’s sensitivity and the ENTJ’s harshness
- The ENTJ’s preference for logic and the ESFJ’s prefernce for emotion
- The ESFJ’s simplicity and the ENTJ’s abstractness
How do they resolve conflict?
ENTJs and ESFJs can resolve conflict by respecting their differences and recognizing each other’s strengths.
How do they build trust?
ENTJs are more able to build trust with ESFJs who are more open-minded to new ideas, and ESFJs are more likely to build trust with ENTJs who are kinder and more affectionate and open emotionally.
IV. ENTJ and ESFJ Friendships
Despite their differences, ENTJs and ESFJs can be great friends who help each other to grow.
ENTJ vs. ESFJ: Approach to Friendship
SInce both ENTJs and ESFJs are so sociable, they can quickly develop a camaraderie with each other. They’re equally likely to approach each other to hang out and be friends.
ENTJ & ESFJ Friendship Dynamics
The ENTJ is likely to be the one who comes up with creative ideas and solutions to solve problems, while the ESFJ is likely to be the one who navigates their more emotional or intimate conversations as friends. Together, they’re both likely to push each other to be even more socially active and go on fun adventures.
What makes them good for each other as friends?
What makes ENTJs and ESFJs good for each other as friends is that they can ush each other out of their comfort zones and challenge each other while also being able to meet each other in the middle when it comes to their mutual love for interacting with others and being organized.
More specifically, the ENTJ can benefit from the ESFJ’s social and emotional awareness, and the ESFJ can benefit from the ENTJ’s penchant for trying new things and being innovative.
Could they be close friends?
Yes, ENTJs and ESFJs can be close friends.
What are some areas that might cause them problems as friends?
Some areas that can cause ENTJs and ESFJs problems as friends is that the ENTJ can be too harsh and cold, and the ESFJ can be too sensitive and needy. They both can also be controlling and seek being the leader which can cause power struggles between them.
