ENFJ and ISTP: Love, Marriage, Romance, and Compatibility

Initially, it may seem as if the pragmatic ISTP and the empathetic ENFJ have plenty standing between them in terms of forming a lasting friendship, much less seeing that friendship evolve into a romance or marriage. Yet once each begins to look a little closer at the person in front of them, they begin to realize that their differences can be their strength.



I. Compatibility

If there is one thing that brings ENFJ and ISTP together and keeps them together for many years, it is their curiosity about life and wanting to do what they can to improve the world around them. The confident ISTP will be very attractive to ENFJ, who will bring their genuineness and persuasion to the relationship and make ISTP attracted to them as well. Though ISTP can be a bit unpredictable at times, ENFJ doesn’t seem to mind, especially when that unpredictability helps the two of them build an even stronger emotional connection.


Summary Chart: ENFJ and ISTP Compatibility vs. Potential Conflicts

Compatibility: Potential Conflicts:
Both are genuine with others ISTP unpredictability
Each wants to improve the world ENFJ loves of group settings
Both like to find solutions ISTP too reserved
Enjoy connecting with others ENFJ likes to plan


3 Reasons Why ENFJ and ISTP are Good for Each Other

Though very different in many ways, there are still numerous reasons why ENFJ and ISTP can be very good for each other.

  1. Each wants to understand the other
  2. Both enjoy solving complex problems
  3. Both can be confident and persuasive

Even though ENFJ is much more outgoing than ISTP, each can exude plenty of confidence and persuasion one-on-one with each other as well as in group settings. Communication is very important for both of these individuals, which leads them to do what is needed to understand the other’s point of view. ENFJ may be warmer and more empathetic with people in general than ISTP, but that does not stop the two of them from coming together for plenty of good causes since both always love to tackle tough challenges and have the confidence needed to find practical solutions.


3 Reasons Why ENFJ and ISTP are Not Good for Each Other

Because they are so different in many key areas, it is not at all hard to understand why ENFJ and ISTP fail to mesh well as friends or lovers for a variety of reasons.

  1. ISTP unpredictability and spontaneity too stressful for ENFJ.
  2. ENFJ enjoys being around others, while ISTP prefers to be alone.
  3. ISTP prefers logical thinking, while ENFJ relies on intuition and emotion.

If there is one thing ENFJ does not enjoy most of the time, it is spontaneity and unpredictability. Unfortunately, this is something ISTP thrives on, and it can present quite a challenge to them in maintaining any type of relationship. When talking about things, ISTP always turns to logic, while ENFJ relies on what they are feeling about a situation to help them come up with a solution. When it’s time to socialize, ISTP is usually an unwilling participant, which can cramp the style of the ENFJ, who loves nothing more than being part of a group and establishing connections with as many people as possible.



Due to their basic personality differences, ENFJ and ISTP need to work harder than many people to communicate successfully with one another, be it on a personal or professional level. While sometimes it may seem to both that they cannot get on the same page, there are other times when they somehow make a connection that is very close to perfection. Using the confidence each has in themselves, ENFJ and ISTP can combine logic and intuition not only communicate well in the workplace but also at home or elsewhere.


Where are they strong and why?

ENFJ and ISTP are strong in the area of communication when it comes to solving complex problems. Neither is willing to give up easily, which gives them the determination to continue listening to one another in an effort to gain a better understanding of what’s on the other person’s mind. Even though ISTP is much more reserved than ENFJ, this does not stop ISTP from expressing their opinion when they think it is needed most, especially if they feel it will solve a problem in the quickest manner.


Where do they have problems and why?

One of the biggest areas of communication in which ENFJ and ISTP have problems involves the use of small talk. While ENFJ is a natural at small talk due to their love of group settings, ISTP views small talk as a big waste of time. Thus, if the two of them are at the same function, it can be hard for them to meet one another, much less get to know each other. ISTP also tends to be much quieter than ENFJ, which can hinder them when having a personal discussion. Should ISTP appear to be too hesitant to share their thoughts and feelings with ENFJ, this can create a rift in their relationship.


How might they improve communication?

To improve their communication, each has to recognize how their differences impact their communication with one another and be willing to try new techniques to get their message across. For example, ENFJ may need to resist the urge to push ISTP into revealing what they are thinking and feeling and instead let them do so naturally in their own time. As for ISTP, they will need to acknowledge ENFJ’s emotions and intuition as being important aspects of the conversation, rather than dismissing them in favor of pure logic.


Where do they connect? Why?

These two connect because in spite of all their differences, they essentially see the world in the same way and are curious enough about things to continue talking with one another, even when many others would have long since ceased. Knowing the person in front of them is exactly as they appear, this makes it easier for each of them to build trust during a conversation. Once this is done, the empathy of ENFJ mixes with the pragmatic thinking of ISTP to help each other understand things much better.


ENFJ and ISTP: Values

Due to their no-holds-barred view of the world around them, ENFJ and ISTP have very strong values in terms of relationships and how others should be treated.


3 Things ENFJ Values

  1. Strong relationships
  2. Helping others
  3. Unconditional love

As a person who is very people-focused, ENFJ always places a big premium on helping anyone and everyone, sometimes failing to consider their own needs along the way. The first person friends and family turn to in a crisis, ENFJ will also never hesitate to help a homeless person or animal. Whatever type of relationship they have with another person, they not only give unconditional love but also expect it in return. As a very persuasive person, ENFJ will use their talents in this area to make a relationship as strong as possible.


3 Things ISTP Values

  1. Unpredictability
  2. Logic
  3. Confidence

Unlike ENFJ, ISTP will project a quiet confidence that will inspire those around them, especially ENFJ. When it comes to confronting any type of situation, ISTP will always rely on taking a logical and pragmatic approach to solving a problem. In doing so, ISTP believes they will be able to see a situation from many different angles, allowing them to find the quickest and most practical way to resolve whatever issue is blocking their path. ISTP also values making life far more spontaneous and unpredictable than most others, since they believe this makes each day far more exciting and adventurous. While it may get them in trouble sometimes, ISTP believes not knowing what is around the corner will keep their mind sharp and ready for the next challenge.


How do their values match up?

Generally, the values of ENFJ and ISTP match up better than either would expect. Each values the genuineness that comes with a strong relationship, especially the ability to trust another person with their innermost thoughts and feelings. Neither like to see others being treated in a way that is disrespectful or unfair, and will quickly step into right the wrong. Each also believes confidence in one’s self is also very important since this will help them explore new opportunities and use their abilities to make their world and the lives of others much better.


Love Language/Love Style

ENFJ is always very giving of themselves in terms of love, but also really appreciates it when their ISTP partner uses their spontaneity to arrange for a quick trip to somewhere fun or romantic. ISTP will use their unpredictability to keep their love for ENFJ exciting, ensuring their relationship never gets dull. In fact, to those looking at this relationship, it is one that most others envy.


Ways ENFJ Shows Their Love

ENFJ will show their love in the following ways:

  • Complete devotion to their partner
  • No fear about discussing their emotions
  • Acts of kindness

Once ENFJ gives their heart to another, they will be completely devoted to their partner. This also holds true of their relationships with family and friends, for whom they will go above and beyond to help them be happy. ENFJ will never be afraid to share their emotions and will always be the person to serve breakfast in bed or take food to someone who is sick.


Ways ISTP Shows Their Love

ISTP will show their love in the following ways:

  • Spontaneous surprises
  • Letting their partner be emotional
  • Sharing their feelings

When ISTP is in love, their significant other can expect the unexpected. In fact, unpredictability and spontaneity is what ISTP believes keeps a relationship fresh. Whether it is a spur-of-the-moment dinner for two in the middle of the week, a getaway over the weekend, or flowers and a card for no special reason, there’s no way to know what ISTP may do next. Along with this, ISTP will also show their love by sharing their feelings during a quiet moment and will find a new level of patience as they let their partner put their emotions on full display.


ENFJ and ISTP in Bed

As the more giving person of the two, ENFJ will often take the lead when these two get into bed. However, ISTP is a very confident person, and although they may be reserved elsewhere, this does not apply to the bedroom. In fact, each thrives on their differences to make sex and intimacy very exciting. One of the biggest reasons why the sparks fly between the sheets for this couple is ISTP’s unpredictability. If there is one thing that can definitely be said about an ENFJ and ISTP romance, it’s that it will be anything but dull.


II. ENFJ and ISTP Couples/Marriage

How does ENFJ match up in a long-term romantic relationship?


ENFJ Male and ISTP Female

The ENFJ male will do all they can to keep their ISTP female happy during their relationship. Always one to give of themselves as much as possible, the ENFJ male will be emotional, but not overly emotional. As for the ISTP female, they will be the curious member of this couple, always wanting their ENFJ partner to try new things and go see new places. Despite their differences, they will be able to talk through and solve most problems that come their way.


ENFJ Female and ISTP Male

The ENFJ female will give, give, and give of herself to her partner during their relationship. This can be helping to nurture their partner’s career ambitions or being there for them when they lose a beloved family member. The ISTP male will be more than enough for their ENFJ female to handle since they will make sure the ENFJ female never knows what is yet to come. While this may sound like a recipe for disaster, the ENFJ female grows to love her partner’s spontaneity.


III. ENFJ and ISTP Conflicts

To no one’s surprise, ENFJ and ISTP have their share of conflicts, whether they are friends, lovers, or married to one another. Arguments are not a daily occurrence but can happen more frequently than either would prefer. In fact, there are many issues that can lead to these two having varying degrees of conflict.


Possible Areas of Conflict (and Why)

ENFJ and ISTP conflict can occur due to the following reasons:

  • ENFJ can become too emotional during arguments with reserved and logical ISTP.
  • ISTP can brush off ENFJ’s emotions and intuition, hurting ENFJ’s feelings.
  • ENFJ may grow tired of ISTP unpredictability and spontaneity.

When these two are talking over something very important, conflict can arrive when ISTP fails to take seriously ENFJ’s emotions and intuition, believing instead it is their own logical and pragmatic thinking that should take top priority. This can lead to many hurt feelings on the part of ENFJ, which in turn may have them lashing out in retaliation with strong words that may make ISTP walk away or simply stop talking. ENFJ also likes to make plans, so the unpredictable nature of ISTP can grow tiresome when well-laid plans get disrupted time and time again.


How do they resolve conflict?

When conflict happens between these two, it can take some time to get completely resolved. Fortunately, that is exactly what happens most of the time. As to how they resolve their differences, it all begins with a big dose of patience on the part of ISTP. Since ENFJ is so emotional, ISTP needs to sit back and let ENFJ express their emotions openly and honestly. Doing so, helps ENFJ calm down and begin to see things more logically, which is exactly what ISTP wants. As each calms down, they tend to find that most things they were fussing about were not really all that important after all.


How do they build trust?

Building trust between ISTP and ENFJ is not easy at first, but tends to get easier as they get to know each other on a more personal level. ISTP will begin to trust an ENFJ who is willing to give them the personal space they crave to think about things and will also trust an ENFJ who is not determined to change them and make them conform to a strict schedule. ENFJ will trust an ISTP who will be encouraging when times get tough and who will not be afraid to share their own emotions during a conversation. Once an ISTP is willing to connect emotionally with ENFJ, a level of trust is established that will be hard to break.


IV. ENFJ and ISTP Friendships

Even though they may initially look at each other and find it hard to believe they could actually be looking at a potential best friend, ENFJ, and ISTP tend to form more long-lasting friendships than many people realize. In fact, it is usually a surprise to their families and friends that these two find their way down a path that ultimately results in a solid friendship.


ENFJ and ISTP: Approaches to Friendship

When ENFJ looks to make a new friend, they rely almost exclusively on their intuition regarding how they feel when they are around the other person. Even if the potential friend seems okay on the outside, ENFJ will not bother if their sixth sense tells them otherwise. While this may seem as if this would make it difficult for ENFJ to make friends, it is the exact opposite. Always enjoying group settings, ENFJ usually has a wide circle of friends.

ISTP takes a different approach to friendship. Rather than relying on emotions, ISTP thinks it through logically, determining if it is practical for them to believe they can have a friendship with a certain person. If they deem it will be to their benefit to do so, ISTP will then pursue the friendship.


ENFJ and ISTP Friendship Dynamics

Once these two forge their friendship, many will view them to be the quintessential odd couple. However, what may look crazy to some on the outside will be a much deeper and more solid friendship than what appears on the surface. As they each learn just how genuine the other is and how much they can be trusted, they come to view their differences in a whole new light. In fact, each can eventually help the other see things in many different ways, making the friendship even stronger.


What makes them good for each other as friends?

ENFJ and ISTP are good for each other as friends because each can bring the other person out of their comfort zone from time to time. Even though ISTP enjoys solitude, ENFJ can convince them to go out with them more often, which ISTP enjoys more than they will admit. ISTP will be good for ENFJ as a friend because they bring a good dose of logic to ENFJ’s life, which comes in handy when making important decisions.


Could they be close friends?

When all the stars are properly aligned, and these two are willing to put aside their differences, ENFJ and ISTP can establish a close friendship. ENFJ will come to like the way ISTP will tell it like it is, while ISTP will not mind having an ENFJ friend who they know will not hesitate to help them handle any type of situation.


What areas might cause them problems as friends?

The unpredictability of ISTP will be the primary area that may lead to problems between these two individuals. ENFJ loves to make plans and adhere to a schedule, even if it is not an incredibly strict one. ISTP does the opposite, choosing instead to interject as much spontaneity into their day as possible. If ENFJ makes plans and ISTP comes along and suddenly wants them to do something else, this can be a problem. Should it become a trend, it will not surprise anyone who knows them if ENFJ and ISTP find new friends.