ENFJ and INTJ: Compatibility, Love, Marriage, and Romance
The quiet yet decisive INTJ and the outgoing and diplomatic ENFJ have everything it takes to become a dynamic power couple. This pair balances each other’s strengths and weaknesses and understand how to create and maintain a mutually beneficial, harmonious relationship.
I. Compatibility
Despite their differences, ENFJ and INTJ tend to get along quite remarkably. They share a mutual appreciation for lively banter as well as intellectual conversation. Although a relationship between these two usually starts off slowly, things often turn serious once they realize they have plenty in common, specifically their mutual appreciation for honesty, respect, and good work ethics. As long as they maintain respect for each other’s differences and open communication, they tend to form healthy, long-term relationships.
Summary Chart: ENFJ and INTJ Compatibility vs. Possible Conflicts
| Compatibility: | Possible Conflicts: |
| Both ENFJ and INTJ are very intuitive and can understand each other on a deeper level than most | ENFJ’s need for social activities may become too much for INTJ to handle, causing them to pull away from the relationship |
| ENFJ can gently coax INTJ out of their comfort zones by choosing activities that aren’t too overwhelming for INTJ to handle | During the conflict, ENFJ tends to pull the “silent treatment,” which can be especially difficult for INTJ to handle |
| ENFJ and INTJ dislike conflict and tend to resolve matters very quickly if they arise | INTJ can be dismissive of their partner’s emotions which may come across as cruel to the sensitive ENFJ |
| INTJ can help ENFJ learn to say “no” more often and put their own needs first for once | ENTJ’s idealism conflicts with INTJ’s more pragmatic and realistic interpretation of the world. |
3 Reasons Why ENFJ and INTJ Are Good for Each Other
Though they may seem quite different on the outside, there are plenty of reasons why ENFJ and INTJ are one of the strongest pairings among the personality types. ENFJ and INTJ are strong leaders with excellent problem-solving skills and a great work ethic. They can offer each other support in their own unique ways and forge a bond that can withstand their many differences.
- Both ENFJ and INTJ are intuitive and natural-born leaders.
- Both have an impeccable work ethic and strive for greatness in their personal and professional lives.
- ENFJ and INTJ are supportive personality types and can lean on each other for support during tough times.
These intuitive personalities have the ability to read a room and understand the atmosphere relatively quickly. They enjoy thinking outside the box to offer solutions that make everyone happy. INTJ is not emotionally expressive and tends to feel uncomfortable in such situations. However, they offer great support by being honest with others and saying what they may need to hear instead of what they want to hear.
3 Reasons Why ENFJ and INTJ Are Not Good for Each Other
Of course, not every couple is guaranteed to succeed. There are several reasons why ENFJ and INTJ may ultimately not work out well.
- INTJ is, at times, socially clueless and may inadvertently say something offensive or hurtful
- ENFJ’s need for a full social calendar can be draining to the more introverted INTJ
- ENFJ wears their heart on their sleeve and is compassionate towards others, while INTJ is often dismissive of emotions
The flipside to INTJs’ dark, witty sense of humor is that they may take things too far and offend someone unfamiliar with their communication style. ENFJ is particularly sensitive, so this may be a point of contention early on in the relationship. This sensitivity tends to be a reoccurring issue, especially since ENFJ possesses a strong sense of empathy towards others. INTJ has difficulty understanding and processing the importance of emotions, which will inevitably lead to conflict.
Another issue is ENFJ’s need for social connection and INTJ’s need to recharge alone. It’s typical for ENFJ to plan a social gathering after a long day at work. INTJs’ energy is usually gone by the end of the workday, which means they prefer to wind down on their own with a book or watch tv on the couch. While these different ways to reenergize aren’t necessarily in conflict with one another, they can be if ENFJ and INTJ don’t respect each other’s needs. Conflict will arise if INTJ continuously questions why ENFJ needs to go out so much and if ENFJ pressures INTJ to participate in activities they don’t want to engage in.
Communication
Though they have their fair share of differences, ENFJ and INTJ share a very similar communication style that is more abstract than most. Because they are intuitive, they usually know what each other may be thinking in any given situation.
Where are they strong, and why?
ENFJ and INTJ enjoy sharing their own thoughts and opinions on why the world is the way it is. They play theories off each other and enjoy long discussions about philosophy, art, science, and politics. ENFJ and INTJ enjoy listening to each other’s ideas, though INTJ may take more of a “listening” role since they are content to let their partner take center stage.
Where do they have problems, and why?
Neither ENFJ nor INTJ tend to hammer out the details of their plans or ideas. They prefer to speak more in abstract terms and discuss the overall goal. If they are trying to solve a problem, they should focus more on the steps they need to take to meet their goal.
How might they improve communication?
Although INTJ doesn’t mind taking more of a listening role, they may become frustrated with their partner’s tendency to “steamroll” them during conversations. This habit is usually unintentional, as ENFJ is always excited to share their thoughts and ideas with others, especially if it’s a topic of interest to them. In order to improve their communication style, ENFJ should try taking on more of a “listening” role from time to time and encouraging their partner to share what’s on their mind. Additionally, INTJ should try to speak up more often, especially if they have something important to contribute.
Where do they connect? Why?
ENFJ and INTJ detest “small talk” and prefer to avoid it altogether. They’d like to get to the meat of a problem and discuss possible solutions. Because of this, their conversations are usually very productive and grounded in substance and interesting ideas.
ENFJ & INTJ: Values
The strength of most relationships lies in whether the couple shares common values. Although ENFJ and INTJ’s values don’t completely align, they share a strong work ethic and a desire for success.
3 Things an ENFJ Values
Compassionate and caring, ENFJ values their personal connections with others above all else.
- Personal relationships
- Empathy and kindness
- Strong work ethic
It’s not uncommon for ENFJs to put their personal relationships above everything else in their lives, including their own needs. They are compassionate and exhibit an extreme sense of empathy which sometimes interferes with their own personal commitments and mental health. They also typically have a strong work ethic driven by their need to succeed. They are reliable and dependable, which is why they usually have a wide circle of friends.
3 Things an INFJ Values
Pragmatic and realistic, INFJ values a strong work ethic and a desire to see any project through to completion.
- Pragmatism
- Independence
- Strong work ethic
Although INFJ is not outgoing and needs plenty of “alone time” to recharge, they’re known to be dependable, especially in the workplace. They also have a strong work ethic and a desire to succeed. However, they aren’t empathetic like ENFJ is. They are rational and have no problem “telling it like it is.” This facet of their personality may lead to them giving out unsolicited advice that can come across as harsh. Their social circles tend to be much smaller than their counterparts. However, the friendships they make tend to be quite strong.
How do their values match up?
While ENFJ’s and INTJ’s values don’t completely align, they share a strong work ethic and will do what it takes to get the job done right. This facet of their personalities means they can make an excellent power couple so long as the rest of their values don’t conflict with each other.
Love Language/Love Style
Each person has their own preferred way to show love in a relationship. For the most part, ENFJs and INTJs share similar love languages.
Ways ENFJs Show Their Love
ENFJs show their love through plenty of quality time spent with their partners and words of affirmation.
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch
When an ENFJ is in a committed relationship, they love to spend time with their partner by introducing them to new experiences. These experiences could be a weekend exploring the city or an afternoon of mountain biking. Another way ENFJs prefer to show their love is through words of affirmation. They are known for their encouraging and compassionate nature, which is why they are comfortable expressing their love for their partner in this manner. They also enjoy giving and receiving physical acts of affection.
Ways INTJs Show Their Love
Although they may not be as expressive as their partners, INTJs prefer to show their love through quality time and acts of service.
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
INTJs are much more reserved, though that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy showing appreciation for their partners. When they spend quality time with them, they prefer to spend it in a quieter setting. This is often at home on the couch, watching their favorite series or cooking a meal together. Another way they enjoy showing their love is through acts of service. If there’s a leaky faucet that needs tightening or a tire that needs changing, they are on the job. Like ENFJ, they are also comfortable giving and receiving physical acts of affection.
ENFJ and INTJ in Bed
ENFJs require a deep bond to feel vulnerable and fulfilled in the bedroom. INTJs tend to fall into one of two categories. Some INTJs view sex as a necessary part of the relationship and aren’t very passionate in the bedroom. Others are very passionate and eager to try new things during sex. Ultimately, sex between an ENFJ and INTJ will depend on that individual INTJ and how they personally feel about lovemaking. Like all healthy relationships, communication is necessary to enjoy a mutually fulfilling sex life.
II. ENFJ and INTJ Couples/Marriage
How does ENFJ match up in a long-term romantic relationship?
ENFJ Male and INTJ Female
ENFJ males and INTJ females have the potential to form a strong bond with each other. ENFJ males are outgoing and attentive to their partner’s needs and desires. They always look for ways to enrich their lives with new experiences and opportunities. INTJ females are very rational and pragmatic, which is helpful to balance out ENFJ’s idealism. In order to maintain harmony in this relationship, ENFJ males should be careful not to push their INTJ partner too far out of their comfort zone and ease them into social activities by keeping the settings more intimate.
INTJ Male and ENFJ Female
Like their counterparts, INTJ males and ENFJ females should do quite well together as long as they can respect each other’s boundaries. INTJ males need ample time to relax and recharge on their own. ENFJ females are social
butterflies and enjoy spending time with those they love the most. They should try not to take things to heart when their more introverted partner turns their plans down occasionally in order to recharge. Instead, they should use that time to tend to their needs, as they often neglect themselves in order to care for others.
III. ENFJ and INTJ Conflicts
Even the most compatible pairs will experience conflict from time to time. ENFJ and INTJ may be highly compatible, but they will still find themselves navigating issues that arise from their differences.
Possible Areas of Conflict (and Why)
ENFJ and INTJ will likely experience conflict for the following reasons:
- ENFJ’s tendency to intrude on INTJs’ need for ample space and time to themselves
- INTJ’s dismissive attitude towards ENFJ’s emotions, especially during an ongoing conflict
- ENFJ may try to get INTJ to make changes they are not ready for or do not want
Like all introverted personalities, INTJs need plenty of time to themselves to recharge, especially after a long or stressful day. The flip side of their hard work ethic is the need for space so they can tackle their next workday efficiently. ENFJs also have a strong work ethic. However, they prefer to “work hard and play hard.” This personality trait usually means plans out with friends even after a long day of work. They can’t understand why INTJ needs to spend so much time on their own since they recharge through socialization.
Another issue that tends to come up in this pairing is INTJ’s tendency to be overly dismissive of ENFJ’s emotional reactions to intense situations. INTJ isn’t emotional and prefers to look at most situations through a pragmatic lens. When these situations arise, this couple finds it difficult to see eye to eye.
A final point of conflict concerns ENFJ’s habit of trying to convince their partners to make changes in their lives that they may not be ready for. They often feel that their way of doing things is the best and want their loved ones to live fulfilling lives. What ENFJ fails to understand is that other people may be perfectly content with how they live their lives, especially INTJ. Therefore, they may become a bit pushy and try to influence INTJ to change when they are happy the way they are.
How do they resolve conflict?
ENFJ and INTJ share a dislike for conflict and prefer to tackle it and reach a mutual agreement wherever possible. After an initial “cool down” period, ENFJ and INTJ are effective problem solvers, and their intuitive communication style means they are likely to reach a mutually beneficial resolution more quickly than other couples.
How do they build trust?
ENFJs tend to be quite emotional, which causes INTJs to take a step back and wonder if they can trust them to be rational. This is especially true during stressful times. ENFJs can build trust with INTJs by getting a handle on their emotions and operating from a more rational mindset. At the same time, INTJs can be dismissive of those who show emotional vulnerability. INTJs can build trust with ENFJs if they can learn to be more in touch with their emotions and reveal their vulnerable side from time to time.
IV. ENFJ and INTJ Friendships
Just like their romantic relationships, ENFJ and INTJ tend to form strong friendships with each other. Their mutual love for conversations, solving problems, and strong work ethics also make them great co-workers.
ENFJ vs. INTJ: Approach to Friendship
ENFJ approaches friendships in a very open and energetic manner. It’s not uncommon for them to have friends from every facet of life. They also tend to form friendships with people whose viewpoints are very different from their own. They enjoy getting to know people on a deeper level and are always ready to lend a helping hand.
INTJ approaches friendships in a more cautious manner. They aren’t keen on befriending just anyone. However, the friendships they form are often rooted in honesty and a strong intellectual connection.
ENFJ & INTJ Friendship Dynamics
ENFJ almost always breaks the ice with INTJ first and is drawn in by their somewhat dark and sarcastic sense of humor. This friendship is slow to develop, especially since INTJ tends to keep others at arm’s length until they decide to invest in the friendship. Once a connection is established, they have the unique capacity to know what the other person is usually thinking and are very intuitive. Although ENFJ usually takes the lead in any conversation, INTJ is quite okay with that and enjoys listening to what their friend has to say.
What makes them good for each other as friends?
ENFJ is very in touch with their emotions and observes the world through an empathetic lens. This concept is foreign to INTJ, who sees the world through a pragmatic lens and has a hard time with emotional situations. ENFJ can show INTJ how to become more empathetic and inspire them to choose their words more carefully to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
At the same time, ENFJ wants to make everyone happy and will gladly go along with plans other people create, even without their input. This habit can lead to burnout for ENFJ, as they are afraid to hurt their friend’s feelings if they cancel. INTJ has no problem saying “no” to others and can inspire their friend to tend to their own needs before agreeing to plans they may not want to participate in in the first place.
Could they be close friends?
Yes, ENFJ and INTJ can be close friends because they tend to understand each other, have similar values, and are willing to compromise when there is conflict.
What are some areas that might cause them problems as friends?
ENFJ’s high energy and drive may be too intense for the more reserved and laid-back INTJ. INTJ also lacks a social filter most of the time. This issue leaves the potential for misunderstanding. INTJ can also be somewhat callous and dismissive of ENFJ when they experience something that is emotionally upsetting. INTJ’s insensitivity can ultimately create quite a bit of distance in the friendship.
